There's only so long a gal (or gals, in this case) can hold out. In the immortal words of the Vampire Slayer herself: "Seize the moment, 'cause tomorrow you might be dead." While our love for the Whedonverse is no secret, we realized that we were dearly overdue for a TID tribute to the Chosen One.
Did we hesitate because Buffy is such "a hell of a woman", as one vampire of chiseled jaw and peroxided hair might say, that we were afraid we couldn't do her justice? Perhaps. After all, there are plenty (if not as many as there should be) women who can kick ass - and maybe even a few who can do it while also being smart, thoughtful and hot. But there is only one Buffy Anne Summers (disregarding affronts to the canon such as this and, lord have mercy, this). She is an icon for all women - particularly those who came of age in the '90s - a strong, independent yet not invulnerable female leader who kicked paranormal ass for seven glorious, touching, hilarious, tear-jerking and wacky seasons (We are not among the Season 7 naysayers). With all this televisual baggage, could we do justice to a Buffy encounter with the flag?
Liz: If Buffy can take on The First, Glory, Spike and Drusilla (pre-Spike's lovey-dovey eyes for Buffy) AND Caleb the misogynist preacher, then we can do this.
Cailey: But Liz! I don't know if we're strong enough! I feel like Buffy on a bad day - when she gets her ass kicked by some random vamp or other baddie we know she should be able to take.
Liz: But then remember how she always regains her strength and comes back with a vengeance? It's all for the sake of an emotionally compelling plotline! Oh, Joss! How you toy with our emotions!
Cailey: [raises her stake with newfound determination glinting in her eyes] Let's. Tear. It. Down.
Liz: That's the Slayer spirit!
Cailey: So without getting too nit-picky about exactly when this is happening (we aren't really up-to-date on the increasingly hard-to-follow plot points of Season 8), let's say that one day, Buffy comes back to her lovely Craftsman-style house...
Liz: One thing we can get nit-picky about is how much of Buffy there is...
Cailey: Agreed! This is not the emaciated Buffy of the invisible boobs...
Liz: This is Buffy of the lovely cleavage and perky arse...
Cailey: Which, in our very slight etherworld that otherwise totally adheres to Whedon's canon, never went away.
Liz: See how justifiably pleased she looks?!
Cailey: She is so much hotter! Now that is a Buffy who enjoys a cheeseburger.
Liz: But what she is not going to enjoy is that ghastly flag defiling her beautiful SoCal home!
Cailey: Buffy has faced a lot in her time, but most of the evil she's fought has at least had the excuse of not being human. Also, they were from Hell, so they had no choice in whether or not they were good.
Liz: True. When the evil is done by individuals who have made a conscious choice and picked the wrong path, it's sort of heartbreaking. And someone putting that flag on Buffy's house? Definitely reminding her of the greatest human evils.
Cailey: But wouldn't it be awesome if in this Whedon etherworld Hitler was actually, like, a Big Bad demon? A vile creature who hailed from Lucifer's inner circle?
Liz: That would let humanity off the hook. And we really don't deserve to be let off the hook. For various reasons. It would be too easy to say "Well, Hitler was just a demon from Hell. The Holocaust had nothing to do with humanity's innate capacity to inflict pain and suffering."
Cailey: True. And that's what Buffy was all about, in the end: facing our demons head on, not ignoring or excusing them. And sometimes, the demon we're facing is our own ability to be cruel to others. The diligently good person keeps a cap on that demon at all times fighting it every hour of the day...
Liz: Whoa, this just got deep.
Cailey: I think Joss's shows promote in-depth thinking about the human condition.
Liz: Joss Whedon: philosopher, linguistics trailblazer, epic hottie.
Cailey: But enough philosophizing for today. We have a flag to tear down...or at least, Buffy does.
Liz: Indeed, basta with the brainicizing.
Cailey: I think this line's mostly filler.
Liz: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I'm going to burst into song. Ready? I know all the words...one, two...
Cailey: Not that I don't love your singing...but I think that we should just post a clip instead:
Liz: Ahhhhhh....that's a good one. Like a soothing balm on the wounds life inflicts.
Cailey: Wow, you are just morose and thinky today! Lighten it up, girl!
Liz: OK. I'm being bubbly. Like the über-popular cheerleader Buffy was before she became The Chosen One.
Cailey: "Into every generation, a Slayer is born..."
Liz: Seven words that never fail to get my heart racing!
Cailey: So Buffy returns home from a long night of slaying vampires...
Liz: Dawn is breaking (not sister Dawn...actual dawn) and morning birds are all atwitter.
Cailey: Buffy is exhausted. Looking forward to crawling into bed for, like, ten minutes before she has to wake up and continue keeping up the charade of being a normal teenager.
Liz: But, OMG flag!
Cailey: Who could have done such an awful thing?
Liz: Even though she is bone tired, Buffy taps into the last of her strength, knowing that there is only one course of action...
Cailey: She breaks out her slayer martial arts and delivers a swift and lethal roundhouse kick, the sole of her awesome, high-glam, knee-high boot hitting the swastika precisely at its center.
Liz: Her heel gets caught in the fabric, but she yanks her leg upward, causing her sharp, stake-like stiletto to cut through the flag like a knife through butter.
Cailey: It flutters to the ground in two pieces.
Liz: Buffy lands in a crouch, senses on high alert, looking around for potential danger.
Cailey: Realizing that she is alone with the flag, she straightens her spine and stares down at the offending symbol.
Liz: "Nat-zo scary now, are ya?!" she quips.
Cailey: Which is perhaps not going to make it in her top 10 sassy comebacks...
Liz: But it's been a long night. As Buffy continues facing down the vanquished flag, trying to think up a better retort...
Cailey: The rest of the gang arrives! Yay! Scoobies to the rescue!
Liz: Willow gasps and averts her eyes.
Cailey: Xander exclaims, "Sweet merciful Zeus!" and puts his arm protectively around Willow.
Liz: Giles pauses, removes his glasses, cleans them his pocket handkerchief, and perches them back upon his nose, as if hoping the flag detritus will have disappeared.
Cailey: But it's not a vamp. You can't dust a flag...
Liz: Or can you?...perhaps Ms. Rosenberg, now recovered from the initial shock, has an appropriate magic trick up her sleeve...
Cailey: "Vexillovani!" she pronounces (look it up - the Latin rootage is perfect - not even J.K Rowling could name a spell so adroitly)...and poof! the flag is gone in a cloud of smoke - banished to the underworld where it belongs.
Liz: Will you look at that teamwork!
Cailey: What can't they face if they're together?!
Liz: Oh no! I'm going to start singing again! "It's do or die! Hey, I've died twice!"
Cailey: Cease and desist...really.
Cailey: So without getting too nit-picky about exactly when this is happening (we aren't really up-to-date on the increasingly hard-to-follow plot points of Season 8), let's say that one day, Buffy comes back to her lovely Craftsman-style house...
Liz: One thing we can get nit-picky about is how much of Buffy there is...
Cailey: Agreed! This is not the emaciated Buffy of the invisible boobs...
Liz: This is Buffy of the lovely cleavage and perky arse...
Cailey: Which, in our very slight etherworld that otherwise totally adheres to Whedon's canon, never went away.
Cailey: She is so much hotter! Now that is a Buffy who enjoys a cheeseburger.
Liz: But what she is not going to enjoy is that ghastly flag defiling her beautiful SoCal home!
Cailey: Buffy has faced a lot in her time, but most of the evil she's fought has at least had the excuse of not being human. Also, they were from Hell, so they had no choice in whether or not they were good.
Liz: True. When the evil is done by individuals who have made a conscious choice and picked the wrong path, it's sort of heartbreaking. And someone putting that flag on Buffy's house? Definitely reminding her of the greatest human evils.
Cailey: But wouldn't it be awesome if in this Whedon etherworld Hitler was actually, like, a Big Bad demon? A vile creature who hailed from Lucifer's inner circle?
Liz: That would let humanity off the hook. And we really don't deserve to be let off the hook. For various reasons. It would be too easy to say "Well, Hitler was just a demon from Hell. The Holocaust had nothing to do with humanity's innate capacity to inflict pain and suffering."
Cailey: True. And that's what Buffy was all about, in the end: facing our demons head on, not ignoring or excusing them. And sometimes, the demon we're facing is our own ability to be cruel to others. The diligently good person keeps a cap on that demon at all times fighting it every hour of the day...
Liz: Whoa, this just got deep.
Cailey: I think Joss's shows promote in-depth thinking about the human condition.
Liz: Joss Whedon: philosopher, linguistics trailblazer, epic hottie.
Cailey: But enough philosophizing for today. We have a flag to tear down...or at least, Buffy does.
Liz: Indeed, basta with the brainicizing.
Cailey: I think this line's mostly filler.
Liz: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I'm going to burst into song. Ready? I know all the words...one, two...
Cailey: Not that I don't love your singing...but I think that we should just post a clip instead:
Liz: Ahhhhhh....that's a good one. Like a soothing balm on the wounds life inflicts.
Cailey: Wow, you are just morose and thinky today! Lighten it up, girl!
Liz: OK. I'm being bubbly. Like the über-popular cheerleader Buffy was before she became The Chosen One.
Cailey: "Into every generation, a Slayer is born..."
Liz: Seven words that never fail to get my heart racing!
Cailey: So Buffy returns home from a long night of slaying vampires...
Liz: Dawn is breaking (not sister Dawn...actual dawn) and morning birds are all atwitter.
Cailey: Buffy is exhausted. Looking forward to crawling into bed for, like, ten minutes before she has to wake up and continue keeping up the charade of being a normal teenager.
Liz: But, OMG flag!
Cailey: Who could have done such an awful thing?
Liz: Even though she is bone tired, Buffy taps into the last of her strength, knowing that there is only one course of action...
Cailey: She breaks out her slayer martial arts and delivers a swift and lethal roundhouse kick, the sole of her awesome, high-glam, knee-high boot hitting the swastika precisely at its center.
Liz: Her heel gets caught in the fabric, but she yanks her leg upward, causing her sharp, stake-like stiletto to cut through the flag like a knife through butter.
Cailey: It flutters to the ground in two pieces.
Liz: Buffy lands in a crouch, senses on high alert, looking around for potential danger.
Cailey: Realizing that she is alone with the flag, she straightens her spine and stares down at the offending symbol.
Liz: "Nat-zo scary now, are ya?!" she quips.
Cailey: Which is perhaps not going to make it in her top 10 sassy comebacks...
Liz: But it's been a long night. As Buffy continues facing down the vanquished flag, trying to think up a better retort...
Cailey: The rest of the gang arrives! Yay! Scoobies to the rescue!
Liz: Willow gasps and averts her eyes.
Cailey: Xander exclaims, "Sweet merciful Zeus!" and puts his arm protectively around Willow.
Liz: Giles pauses, removes his glasses, cleans them his pocket handkerchief, and perches them back upon his nose, as if hoping the flag detritus will have disappeared.
Cailey: But it's not a vamp. You can't dust a flag...
Liz: Or can you?...perhaps Ms. Rosenberg, now recovered from the initial shock, has an appropriate magic trick up her sleeve...
Cailey: "Vexillovani!" she pronounces (look it up - the Latin rootage is perfect - not even J.K Rowling could name a spell so adroitly)...and poof! the flag is gone in a cloud of smoke - banished to the underworld where it belongs.
Liz: Will you look at that teamwork!
Cailey: What can't they face if they're together?!
Liz: Oh no! I'm going to start singing again! "It's do or die! Hey, I've died twice!"
Cailey: Cease and desist...really.
The earth is (most definitely not) doomed
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!
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