A Vindication of the Right of Women…to Objectify Men*

A month or so ago, Liz, being – as always – hip to important pop culture happenings, told me that I should purchase Katy Perry’s newest single, “Peacock.”  

“Peacock?” I repeated, by way of confirmation.  

“Peacock,” she answered, not willing to divulge anything more.  

Now, I was not so foolish and/or innocent as to completely miss the innuendo of the title. I didn’t expect a zoologically-detailed musical celebration of the medium-sized male pheasant with jewel-toned plumage.  

But I also didn’t quite anticipate that the song would be so . . . literal. For nearly 4 minutes, Katy Perry demands of an unnamed dude that he show her his rumored-to-be magnificent cock (she soon dispenses with the “pea”: “I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock”). She alternately coaxes, demands and guilt trips him until, the song suggests, he reveals all and it is, indeed, a “treasure.”  

I’m going to resist my English major-y inclinations to gloss the song line by line, because, let's face it, "Peacock" is not exactly “The Second Coming” (although I bet that falcon wouldn’t have any trouble hearing Katy Perry). What struck me about this song is just how one-dimensional it is. And I don't mean that as an insult. Katy Perry is focused on one thing - and one thing only: seeing this dude's cock. 

There's something to be admired in that, even though I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it. What I am sure about is that Katy Perry's tuneful, um, encouragement reminded me a lot of another recent song from a similarly classy gal: "Blah Blah Blah," kourtesy of Ke$ha. Although Ke$ha isn't quite so one-track minded (which is saying something) both "Blah Blah Blah" and "Peacock" apostrophize withholding men by saying: 1) stop being a bitch; 2) show me your penis. Because the possessor of the "finest architecture" isn't giving it up, Katy demands he "stop acting like a beeotch." In "Blah Blah Blah," Ke$ha chants: "Don't be a little bitch with your chit chat / Just show me where your dick's at."

I'm not here to attempt to construct some gender studies-esque sociological narrative out of these two catchy but hardly profound songs, but I think there's significance to how explicit - in all senses of the word - they are. These women are taking the reigns, not beating around the/their/anyone else's bush, and perhaps most significantly, labeling men as the "bitch" in the process.

Do I wish the dialogue (monologue?) were more elevated? Yes...and no. We could sit down and "intelligently" discuss how women have been - and, of course, are being - objectified, and how men are now joining the ranks in ways that look and sound similar. (We might also discuss how, by virtue of the fact that these objectified men are still men, this seemingly identical objectification isn't so similar after all.) But that would be waaay less catchy than either of this songs. So instead I turn to my favorite publication, The Daily Mail, which recently broke a Very Important Story about a male model being fired for eating a croissant while on an Abercrombie and Fitch photo shoot. 

I probably shouldn't be happy about this, but there's a certain element of shaudenfreude that I can't resist. It's nice to know that maybe, just maybe, men are starting to understand, what - as the ever-profound Madge once sang - it feels like for a girl. As Mickey Rapin wrote in GQ in regards to Taylor Lautner's shirtlessness: "A note to future pop-culture historians: This may have been the precise moment it became okay to sell a young male's physique the same way Hollywood sells Megan Fox."

For the record: I'm not as obsessed with Taylor Lautner as it might seem. I swear...

Like many of my female friends, I was lucky enough to grow up being told that girls can do anything boys can do. I did - and do - believe them. But - also like a lot of my female friends - I think there's still a gap between knowing this on an intellectual level and living it on a physical level. On the one hand, we've got StephEnie Meyer making the concept of one true soulmate and waiting-until-marriage super hot; on the other, we've got Katy, Ke$ha and Ko. Not to mention Karen Owen - whose "thesis" detailing her sexual exploits made me regret I didn't have more, um, fun in college.

And speaking of Ms. Owen...girl knows how to objectify men. She's got a full-on scoring system. Which, as any half-decent frat boy will tell you, is not exactly a new concept. But, as all the noise/judgment surrounding this fake thesis attests, it is a new (or at least a more uncomfortable) concept for women to embrace.

But embracing it we are - and, if nothing else, it's sure fun to sing along. 

* To be honest, I'm not sure if this will be a whole-hearted vindication. Or how I really feel about objectifying men (although, Alexander Skarsgard knows, I'm guilty of it). What would Mary W say?!