We're going to go ahead and call this TID less of philosophette exercise/game in what does or does not drive a man to take action against hate and hate-filled symbols and more of a thank you note/love letter...after all, asking if these two subjects - the incomparable Michael Ware and the stellar Richard Engel - would tear it down is like asking if Don Draper would care for a few midday fingers of Scotch...duh!
And by the way, speaking of hate-filled symbols, epic kudos to Lady Gaga for words equivalent to flag tearing last weekend re: the demonspawn machinations of the Westboro Baptist Church at her concert in St. Louis...and to the legions of fanboys and fangirls at Comic Con this weekend for fighting abysmal hate with humor. It was a good week for "The Forces of Good", if you will, if only in the minor leagues.
Behold why the geeks will inherit the earth:
Meanwhile, on the front lines, in what is definitively the major leagues...
If you know nothing about ace foreign correspondents Michael Ware (CNN) and Richard Engel (NBC), bask in these mere snippets of their flagrant, no-holds-barred badassitude.
Michael Ware: Australian reporter, ex-rugby player (hence the distinctive nose), ex-Time magazine Baghdad bureau chief, actual citizen of Iraq, perpetual prisoner of war...
Richard Engel: NBC's flinty (but still sweet and unfailingly dapper) man on the ground in Afghanistan, chief foreign correspondent, fluent in Arabic, Italian, and Spanish, currently stationed in Kabul...
Liz: Um, how adorable is Richard during this entire exchange? And unfailingly aware of his surroundings and protective of Rachel...which under normal circumstances I'd say she absolutely doesn't need...but in one of the most dangerous cities on earth? He's got her back. He's keeping her safe. I can't help but think it is so hot.
Cailey: I like how floored his is by Rachel's 'unfeminine' choices. "You don't want to shop?! You want to talk counterinsurgency strategy?! Merlin's Beard!"
Liz: Gory, endless war he can deal with. A girl choosing to buy a gun rug instead of some pretty, sparkly little baubles? MIND-BLOWING!! ALERT THE AP!! TELL THE NIGHTLY NEWS TO BUMP THE LEAD STORY!!
Cailey: Dude, I would totally buy a gun rug.
Liz: I mean, I would probably get both.
Cailey: True.
Liz: I just can't stop watching these two guys. There's something so...I don't know...primally attractive about this alpha male, cool head in the heat of battle, with-it and savvy in unsafe situations existence that only reporters seem to develop...
Cailey: But Liz, it's hard won. Look at what happened to Michael Ware. Perpetual PTSD. It's not something I would wish on anyone. They went through hell to develop those survival reflexes.
Liz: I know. And here we are are exercising our vapid muscle and being all like "ZOMG! War reporters are HOTTT..." when they've a) altered the course of history by sending the news from the front back home and b) put their lives on the line so that we might be better informed; making better voting decisions as part of the educated electorate...
Cailey: Whoa there...you're going deep...keep your head above water...
Liz: And we repay them by not paying attention and forgetting that there's a war happening...
Cailey: The easiest thing to say is..."Thank You". And we say it. To Richard and Michael: "Thank You." Besides, at the end of the day, I think every guy relishes a little objectification from the lasses, no? So we can embellish our simple, heartfelt "Thank You" with a totally non-sketchy "And We Think You're Super, Super Hot, Too". Done. Easy.
Liz: I suppose you're right. We could embellish that further with a gift basket of lovingly homemade baked goods...
Cailey: OMG, Liz, put your secret inner Stepford Wife away! We have a TID to get to.
Liz: You're right.
Cailey: Of course I am.
Liz: So, Michael and Richard - bone tired, covered in dust, reeking of engine fumes - return to safe haven to sleep for a few hours before the madness begins anew.
Cailey: They've lived through another day. They are grateful.
Liz: Michael reaches out and stops Richard from taking another step...what's that flap of fabric lying still (no sweet night breeze in Kandahar) above their temporary lodging?
Cailey: It couldn't be...
Liz: Michael swears up a storm in twenty different languages.
Cailey: Richard understood every word he said. After all, they are both cunning linguists.
Liz: Oh, boy. We went there.
Cailey: Yes we did! And there's no going back.
Liz: They look into each others' exhausted eyes, and without exchanging a word walk to the flag, reach up, and together...
Cailey: ...TEAR IT DOWN.
Liz: Michael siphons some gasoline out of a nearby Humvee using a straw and a plastic bottle...
Cailey: Richard rips the flag apart, lights a match, and throws it on the soaking pile of rags.
Liz: They watch it burn. Richard gives Michael a manly shoulder grip of stalwart solidarity.
Cailey: Then they swagger onwards for some well-earned sleep.
Liz: Sigh. I think I'm in love.
Cailey: You're so funny with this war reporters obsession of yours!
Liz: How can one not be?
Cailey: I get it, in theory. But in practice? That much alpha in one body is just frightening.
Liz: In, like, the best way possible.
Cailey: To each their own. And besides, you shouldn't feel bad about the whole objectification thing. Guys do it with Lara Logan without an iota of shame.
Liz: And now, so do we:
Cailey: We're just emulating the bad example guys set. Chalk it up to the rise of the prevalence of the female gaze in pop culture (CF: Taylor Lautner, Twilight, and more)
Liz: What kind of world do we live in that the Google search: "Richard Engel shirtless" yields no results, huh? Richard needs to remedy the situation and post some pics to his Twitter. Now!
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